I visited my blog for the first time in months, and saw this notification…I wasn’t sure whether to be happy or sad. But for sure it was my motivation to get back on the saddle and do what I love regardless of anything life may be throwing at me.
I lost my job, my degree, my pride, my confidence, my faith and even my joy all in a matter of days. I wish I could tell you this is all a joke but it isn’t. Sometimes I sit back to reflect and I cannot wrap my head around everything that has happened. I’ve spent so many days and nights crying, and now I don’t know if I have anymore tears left. To be honest, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
Many times I asked myself why? I asked God why? I tried to understand/make sense of it….but I couldn’t. Everything happened back to back. To even be able to write about this now takes a lot of strength, but I’ve grown to believe and to know that my calling on this earth is to encourage through my experiences, whether painful or not. I believe there are many others out there going through much worse than I am.
I had pastors, friends, family, loved ones try to encourage me by telling me to be strong and that God has a plan…amongst others. But mehn it didn’t help, well not immediately.
I won’t sit here and pretend it was all easy to handle. No I won’t! I won’t sit here and preach to you about something I don’t believe…I won’t! I lost my faith during this time. I lost my trust in God, because it was all too much to handle. No one understood the pain and no one could relate! I couldn’t even recognize myself mostly from within. I did and said many things i shouldn’t have. But there’s just a weakness that comes with such immense pain…and you just let go.
However, as God had planned it, little by little I found myself just reading bible verses here and there….watching sermons and I’m getting there. I know it!
Just know this….that greater is He that is in you working all these beautiful things in you than the weakness and pain you feel. Yes God has given you so much and its all looks like a burden to carry. But you see only his hardened and trusted soldiers carry such responsbilties and you are such, that is why the testimony at the end will be big. You are special and important to God.
So tonight, this blogpost is just to encourage anyone out there. Know that I understand how dark it gets sometimes. But truly there is a reason why you didn’t die in that accident, why you are still alive and well. So my advice to myself and to you reading….PUSH THROUGH THE PAIN!
“I took another walk around the neighborhood and realized that on this earth as it is – the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor satisfaction to the wise, nor riches to the smart, nor grace to the learned. Sooner or later bad luck hits us all.”
Ecclesiastes 9:11 MSG